Start of Sleepless Nights

Is it that simple to love someone, No! It is not so simple to love someone. When you love someone and you get her then it is a bit complicated but when you don't get her then it is really complicated.

This is when we get complex feelings. When you love her so deeply but you are unable to tell her how much you love her when you don't tell her then something happens in your life that you don't want to happen. Someone else gets her. And you left with your feelings only that has no value now, when your beloved didn't understand it. You slowly get drowned in the deep sea of emotions.

When you see her with someone else, your heart gets burnt inside but you try to show yourself happy from outside. You feel a kind of jealousy for the other guy. You avoid eye contact with her. When you talk to her by mistake your voice becomes moistured but hell, she didn't recognize it.

You want to cry but the emotions don't take the form of tears. You become sad forever. You lost your smile. Then you want to be cut from the world. You miss the contact with your friends. You become straightforward, only work and go home. You spent time alone the most. Scrolling the photos with your beloved and thinking about your bad luck of not getting her. 

You face anxiety, you want to sleep but you are unable to sleep. You close your eyes and her face comes to your mind. Her voice reechoes in your brain. You find yourself lying in the bed, sleepless. you took out your phone and see her photos again. Just thinking about yourself with her and your grief keeps on increasing. You try to sleep but are unable to sleep again.  

Music is so close to our hearts, it can change the mood. Completely unable to sleep, you took out your earphones and start listing your favorite playlist. But in this case, it won't help. The lyrics of the songs addressed to their beloved remind you of her. And you went through the memories when you explained your favorite song to her, it increases the pain.

Then you accuse yourself, you abuse yourself. You think that all is your fault, you would have told her your feelings. Perhaps you take your phone; open WhatsApp, and type I LOVE YOU to send her. But you can't gather the courage to send it. You delete it and the cycle of What IF starts. You want to go back into the past and tell her how much you love her. You want to cry, but you can't.

You sit on the bed with off lights, you think about her, just think about her endlessly the whole night. The feeling that you lost her, still in your heart, giving the pain. Your mind replay every moment spent with her. Your mind recollects the dreams you have seen about her. Your mind tells you the feeling you have for her one by one. Your mind is empty, only her feelings. Now you cry, alone in the bed. None hears you, and it is morning now. 

This is just the start of the long, sleepless, painful nights. With her memories and you alone. You know just one thing, that you love her, you love only her none else. Your heart is still attached to her. You can't love someone else, you love her, only her, only her, endlessly.

To be continued...