More Expectations Is the Reason for Less Happiness

 Last exams are always special before it has a reward, the reward of holidays, and for me it was the most special because it was my birthday. My birthday was never given importance in my life until last year, when my friend planned a surprise party for me so this year I was expecting that I will get midnight calls and messages. I was in Australia, before the final match of Under-nineteen world cup verses Bangladesh. I wanted to stay up to midnight but I knew I would affect my performance on the field. I switched off the light and the darkness took over the room. I covered myself with the blanket. I closed my eyes, the sweet memories of my last birthday were pleasing me. The moment Riya hugged me and wished me, that was the best moment in my life. I was expecting something special from her this time as I was away. Lost in those sweet memories I fell asleep. 

The next morning, I wake up with full confidence. This was the day I was waiting for years, this was the day I dream. My confidence was boosted by the century I made against Pakistan in last match.  I got up quickly and got freshened with a charming bath. I checked my phone, I have got plenty of messages from my classmates and friends, and family members. I have got some missed calls from Mohit at midnight. But my eyes of searching for a special messages, I was thinking what might have Riya sent me but  I found nothing. I searched again, there was no message from Riya, not even in my class group. I got a call from Kamlesh didi, she wished me happy birthday, I was happy but the thing was missing.

We gathered after some times, everyone in my team wished me. I was only thinking only about Riya. I was thinking what might have missed, she forgot my birthday. I had to play the game in whatever conditions. A flying memory of Riya wishing me midnight last year came to my mind and it made me farther said. 

We lost toss and we had to bat first. I had to go and open but I was not ready, my mind was still occupied. I needed to focus. I took the bat in came in the middle. We have not played any match against Bangladesh and I have to say we have underestimated them. I wanted to score good in this match as it was the final. But my mind was thinking just one thing, why did not she wished me. I was trying to block the thought as I block the ball. But this struggle didn't last long and ended with an outside edge. I could see the ball swinging away and as I went for the drive, It took a think outside edge and carried to slips. I was out in first over of the final of World cup. 

The world stopped as the bowler and jumped in excitement. I was breathless. I collected myself and walked away. I was so disappointed when I came back to dressing room. I hide myself in my hands, but hope was still there. Jalaj looked in mood. He was blocking well and hitting well too. Then he hit a six to complete his half-century. Joy started to cover me but he got out on 88. After that our batting collapsed and our team got bowled out on just 150.I was so sad, I didn't want to field.

After that we went to field. I was in slips. I wanted to focus again but my mind was again occupied by firstly about Riya and then why our team collapsed. After a moment,  could see the ball coming towards me. It was real quick, I tried to catch it but it didn't stick in my hands. We failed to get any wicket it 60. After some time, one of our spinners got a hat-trick and we were back into game. But then came their captain and he just blocked and blocked. 

We thought we will get this but then it started raining. It rained heavily and the play was abandoned. There is some D/L rule that calculated the reduced target and it was found that the Bangladesh were seven runs ahead. And when the result came out we were broken in disappointment. We lost the game. We lost the final of the Under-19 world cup.

After that I cried in my bed. Mohit called me at that time. I was not in mood to take any call, but I took that. He could guess easily that I was crying me. He said,

 "Hey you should not cry like that, it was not your fault. I have seen the bowling, that was furious bowling, their inswingers and outswingers were so good. They were unplayable. You did very well. And the pitch was such that it was not supporting our bowlers because we had seam bowlers and pitch was favoring swing. And one thing you need to know that you are not your team always. Sometimes you win sometimes you learn. You did a good job throughout the tournament, you are going to be a great player. You are the future of India, you need to learn from  your mistakes, you need to learn not to be depressed by losses and you need to learn how to back yourself and do good in the future."

This was just a summary, the whole conversation was about an hour long.

His words worked as heeling for me, his words made me feel light as always. I was not crying anymore.But the thing that Riya didn't care about my birthday was still there and I was still sad. I was still thinking about that, I stayed full night on her birthday to wish her on midnight but there was no good response. There can not be a chance that she forgot about it. If Mohit knows about it she definitely knows it. She ignored me willingly, she doesn't wanted to talk to me. She wasn't the girl I liked. She has changed over the period, she is with Mohit, she has changed. She doesn't deserve my friendship let leave love. I can't love that girl. I hated Mohit after her. Mohit deserved respect. 

But I didn't wanted to let the shame took over her of not wishing me, so messaged her to remind her. I messaged her- "Are you alive?"

"Yes, why did you ask that? And Happy Birthday Shubham, I was caught up, I wanted to write a nice message for your birthday but I had some important work. I was about to wish you, but you messaged me first. Never mind, Happy Birthday Shubham."

If I now think about this I feel that she was lying. I knew she was lying that make no sense that you can't write a Happy Birthday message to a person that you say is your best friend. You write that before the special day.  But at that time my love for her took over me and I thought that her feelings were genuine. At that moment I was feeling guilty that I felt such wrong things for her and I was still in the vicious cycle.

"Thank you!!"

"What do you want as your birthday present?"

"I just wanted to talk to you.!"


We chatted for a while and she went off saying her mother called her. 

At this moment, all the things were sorted out and I was feeling light again and what I found was It was all my fault, I was thinking wrong about everything. Indian batting collapsed it was not my fault at all, it was their good bowling. It was true that Riya didn't messaged me but I was too quick to come at the conclusion that she didn't like me. 

The funda is, Shubham liked Riya. He has done so much for Riya and he was expecting from her too that she liked him. And at on his last birthday she might have organized a party for him. So, he thought that she likes her too and he expected that she will do something special for his birthday but due to some important work, she was unable to do that and that made him unhappy. So all I want to say that don't expect too much from anyone, if anyone is being kind to you don't think that he will raise you. Think it has good luck and I have always said, just because you are lucky, you don't stop working hard. So work hard for yourself, don't expect anything from anyone. It is said:

Mujh par ek ehsan krna, ki mujh par koi ehsaan na krna!

This don't only apply for other this is applied for yourself too.

If we  think about this, we got that why was Shubham unhappy about the batting collapse, he tells me that he was in a good form, he had got century against Pakistan and he was expecting from himself to do better in this game too, but the circumstances were such that he couldn't do that and this made him sad. This  emotion effected his performance in fielding too.

Being alive is the best thing God can do for you, don't expect from him too to give you a better life. Don't think what if you were born in a rich family or whatever. Thank god for what so you have now because:


            No better you than the you that you are:

            No better life than the life you're living.

(from the song- "Scars To you beautiful!!)


Now when we have reached to end of this post, I want to thank you for reading this till end. If you want to say anything, you can comment on this post. You may like my other posts too check this out:

    . A Breakup Letter